Grief…..

27 07 2010

It is a crazy thing.  It comes and goes in waves, it lasts for a long time or only a moment.  It can be so strong you break out in tears or it can come on so soft and sweet it brings a smile to your face as you remember the person you lost.  These past few weeks have been like that.  

Brigette has been gone for 3 months now….can it really be 3 months already?   Some days it feels like that can’t be, but other days it feels like it should be years.  The  feelings come and go. My heart breaks as I write this…I see my mom standing in my kitchen.  She has come over very late ….about 10:30 or so.  She didn’t even make it 3 steps into my house when I knew something VERY bad had happened.  Her face was the same it was when she told me my great grandma has died.  The news that came from her mouth almost knocked me over.  Now you maybe wondering how my mom knew this news.  Well, my old boss from KY called the only number she had….my mom’s.  She called her because she was afraid I was home alone (without Dave) and she didn’t want me to hear the news.

The news hit hard.  I had just talked to her, she had just e mailed me about cloth diapers.  She was a friend that you could just call up and continue from where you left off…. no matter how long it had been.  Today I was going through my phone looking up another friends number when I saw Brigette’s. I almost called it!  How could I do that? It has been 3 months!  But my heart sometimes forgets.  I can’t seem to bring myself to delete it yet.  I guess that is part of grief…..somethings are just hard to do.

My heart has been breaking so much these past few weeks because….. Brigette would have been 26.  Our birthdays were 10 days apart….oh how I miss her.  Everyone that knew her saw her love for her children and her husband.  She was an amazing mother, wife, friend, sister and daughter. 

Brigette,

Oh how I want to see your smile, hear your voice and hold your children in my arms.  I get to see them on facebook and that is such a joy.  To see Bobby being an amazing dad!  You would be soooo proud of him.  I can’t bring myself to see your burial site again…..it just hurts my heart so much.  But then again, the strangest things will set me off sometimes.  I miss you so much girl, you were so loved and still are.  YOur life shouldn’t be over….but it is. I can’t change that, oh how I wish I could sometimes.

I love and miss you!

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