Life Continues….

19 12 2008

Even when you are sad, happy, confussed and loonley snowed in, life continues. This week has been a very emotional week. I have cried more than I would like.

Say goodbyes to friends was so hard to do! Still remembering the miscarriage has been really hard this week. Moving the kids to a new state has been going fairly well. They asked if Ballard, McKay, Dylan and Nathan could come and play in the new 10 inches (we already had 4 inches when I got here). I had to explain that those friends are too far away to come and play.

Please pray for us. The church here has been presented with the position for Dave, but the actual vote doesn’t take place until the first week of January because of all the holidays etc. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years has pushed everything a little crazy. Which means we are homeless (staying at my moms until the house we are renting is ready, which is just after New Years) and technically jobless (well, 1/2 jobless, Dave is still in Louisville at UPS and waiting for the transfer).

We are just waiting and hanging out for God’s timing! Pray for our transition and emotions as we choose to be happy even when it is so hard to be.

I have just been thinking a lot on becoming a mom of 4.  I want more children so badly, but at the same time I don’t want to lose a child again either.  I don’t know if we just aren’t ready or if God is trying to push us another direction.  Dave and I have always considered adoption and have always wanted to.  If we have our 4th child then we would be closed to many countries.  They will not give children to families that have 4 or more children.  We have thought about adopting our 4th baby, then quickly getting pregnant with our 5th after the approval so that I could nurse both babies.  We just feel that an adopted baby would really need that good milk.

Oh I don’t know why I am writing this, maybe just to get my thoughts out so that I can read them and pray about them.  I just think that this miscarriage was telling me something, teaching me something.  I don’t want this child’s life to go unnoticed or unloved.  Does that even make sense?  Please tell me if I am just grieving and it will get better?

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6 responses

19 12 2008
Pam Dauzy

I can’t pretend to know how you feel with the miscarriage, but I know that grief does get better, although it doesn’t end completely. You will always miss this baby. I do know that I’ve continued to pray for you, and will continue to do so. Are you able yet to say what church the vote will be at?

19 12 2008
ferrarohome

THank you Pam. Your prayers mean more to me than I can say with words alone. THank you for remembering me.

Yes, the church is Merriman Road Baptist Church (I know you know where that is) 🙂 . It is a part-time Internship as the Education Pastor. It is an 18 month positon, so we will be renting a house instead of buying because it is only a 1.5 years.

God is truly answering prayers for us as he gives Dave a chance to sit under leadership and learn.

26 12 2008
Kelly

Becky,

I just updated myself with your blog and read about the miscarriage. I know this comes as a complete shock. After two seemingly healthy pregnancies with Jack and our daughter Kate that was stillborn, I was shocked to have my third pregnancy be a miscarriage. After successfully getting and carrying past 12 weeks with both of my children, to have a miscarriage at 12 weeks was disheartening. I still miss that baby. My due date was leap day of 2008, how neat. I still wonder what things would be like. I know you feel very blessed for all of your children, but don’t be hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve and pray.

Good luck with everything. You all are in our prayers.

Peace and love,

Brett, Kelly and Jack

26 12 2008
kaciel

Hi Becky,
Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you as you experience all the emotions and adjustments that go along with transitioning out of a major chapter of your life. I’m also praying for your family as you grieve this little one.
Love, Kacie

29 12 2008
Alicia Stargel

Becky,

I too was just catching up on your blog and I just want you to know, I know how you feel. I was devastated when I miscarried. I was 15 weeks and thrilled. I really think you never think it will happen to you but when it does, what a blow. If I’m honest, I didn’t handle it very well. It was a very large spiritual “bump” the road and I’ll admit that I was angry at God for teasing me that way. We all know that’s not what he’s doing but you can see how upset I was. You’re handling it better than I did. About a year later and here I am, pregnant with twins when there’s not a twin in our family for as far back as anyone can remember. I sort of imagine our Lord looking down on me and saying….you asked for it! The pain will pass. I promise. God loves you, and he hurts with you, I know you know that. If you two do choose to adopt I can’t imagine a family better suited to raise a child. I’ll be praying for you with the church situation and with this recent pain.

In Him,
Alicia

30 12 2008
Aunt Maristela

Hey girl…
I don’t even know what to say, because my own memories come to surface and then I am speachless. All I am going to say is that I love you very much, my friend, and God, who loved us first, is taking care of you, your wonderful 3 children, your great husband, and – in his will and time – your next child. Our God is a God of miracles.
I will ALWAYS remember the day you came to me at church and said you wanted to pray with me and for me, because you wanted to ask the Lord to give Daniel and I a baby. And here I am, 19 weeks pregnant! You know my struggles, and all. Thank you.
Continue to trust the Lord. Remember, cry, smile, be thankful, ask, and wait in Him. 🙂 I miss you, my friend… a lot.

Love,
Maristela

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