Life Continues….

19 12 2008

Even when you are sad, happy, confussed and loonley snowed in, life continues. This week has been a very emotional week. I have cried more than I would like.

Say goodbyes to friends was so hard to do! Still remembering the miscarriage has been really hard this week. Moving the kids to a new state has been going fairly well. They asked if Ballard, McKay, Dylan and Nathan could come and play in the new 10 inches (we already had 4 inches when I got here). I had to explain that those friends are too far away to come and play.

Please pray for us. The church here has been presented with the position for Dave, but the actual vote doesn’t take place until the first week of January because of all the holidays etc. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years has pushed everything a little crazy. Which means we are homeless (staying at my moms until the house we are renting is ready, which is just after New Years) and technically jobless (well, 1/2 jobless, Dave is still in Louisville at UPS and waiting for the transfer).

We are just waiting and hanging out for God’s timing! Pray for our transition and emotions as we choose to be happy even when it is so hard to be.

I have just been thinking a lot on becoming a mom of 4.  I want more children so badly, but at the same time I don’t want to lose a child again either.  I don’t know if we just aren’t ready or if God is trying to push us another direction.  Dave and I have always considered adoption and have always wanted to.  If we have our 4th child then we would be closed to many countries.  They will not give children to families that have 4 or more children.  We have thought about adopting our 4th baby, then quickly getting pregnant with our 5th after the approval so that I could nurse both babies.  We just feel that an adopted baby would really need that good milk.

Oh I don’t know why I am writing this, maybe just to get my thoughts out so that I can read them and pray about them.  I just think that this miscarriage was telling me something, teaching me something.  I don’t want this child’s life to go unnoticed or unloved.  Does that even make sense?  Please tell me if I am just grieving and it will get better?